The last month or so has been difficult. Don’t get me wrong: I’ve been doing alright and there’s no need to worry – I’m just working through some stuff.
Ever since I quit my previous job (about a month ago), I’ve been feeling… off. A bit jittery.
I quit without knowing my next step, figuring that a break from constantly working would probably be healthy.
Since then, my mind has been moving from “oh no, I’ll never get a job again” to “everything is going to be fine” – often multiple times on a daily basis.
And it’s rather unpleasant.
I recently reflected on why I felt the way I did. And it can be explained using a bar stool.
Imagine your life as resting on a bar stool with a number of legs. One leg might be school, another family and friends, another might be a part time job or a hobby.
Here’s an example:
This person has school, family+friends, job and a hobby. Those 4 legs put together make up their “Stool of Life” (working on a better term).
If your stool has too few legs (or the legs has inappropriate sizes), it is difficult to hold your balance.
My bar stool
I recently realized that I had put a lot of weight on my “student job”-leg. I worked at a great company that was a big part of my identity. It was not just part of what I did, but rather who I was.
My other legs at the time were, “studying at DTU”-leg and the “co-founder and co-chairman of Conflux”-leg. My chair looked something like this:
As you can see, the legs were not evenly sized. The “DTU”-leg is a part of my identity for sure, but it’s a tiny part of how I identify myself. It’s not who I am, just what I do. The leg was tiny.
The Conflux-leg is way bigger – it’s a large part of where my energy and focus go.
But having one large leg and one miniscule leg makes for a weird chair.
When I quit my student job, I was all of a sudden balancing on two legs.
As you can see, the chair is more suitable for a balancing act than a place to relax. Because of the missing leg, I was out of balance.
Steps forward
The healthiest solution is probably to build another leg myself. If I had had 5 legs, missing a single leg would be as important to the balance of my bar stool.
My next step is probably creating a leg that is not dependent on work. It might be a “bouldering”-leg or a “meditation”-leg. Or perhaps strengthening my “family + friends”-leg.
Either that, or my third leg will reappear once I find another job. However, it feels like I should add the other leg before finding my next job.
Otherwise, I would simply fix the symptom, not the underlying problem.
It would be nice to be able to find a job and not have it be a big part of my identity. I’ve never had something I considered “just a job”. It’s always been a part of how I define myself. Strengthening my other legs would make finding work that was “just a job” easier, which is probably a good thing.
So remember: Take a step back and notice which legs you are currently standing on. Then your bar stool will be in balance.
